On 26th August 2011, morning 8.45am, on my way back to A+E department from my weekly FridaY CME, my friend called me from back,
"Hey!! Bry!! I got a news for you!! You're going to Kapit!!"
I was like "huh???!?!?! Your head la!! Dont joke man! I dont believe you! Dont you try to bluff me!"
My friend replied "Really!! Come come, I let you see the list" while she's busy opening up the photo of the list she took but her phone was lagging!...
I still couldn't trust her that I am going to Kapit!!
So before i could start my work peacefully, i went to the board with my friend and see it with my own eyes....and true enough, my name
"Bry" - HUS Kuching --> HOS Kapit --> Tarikh kuatkuasa 19.10.2011
Oh my goodness...it's real!! How can it be so fast!! I thought i will only know like one month before the end of my HO? And yet, some of my batchmates still dont know where are they going!!
Sigh, it's Kapit!! It's so far away, and so ulu!! Why me? Why am I always stick together with my friend Law? Why?
Everyone in A+E were so excited for me that I am going to Kapit. And me was asking around,
"If you were me, will you wanna appeal ?"
Some said, NO, some said YES....
No, because there will be risk for them going to Kapit if there's a vacancy there...
Yes, because they think it's challenging and adventurous....
And me, Yes? No? Yes appeal? No appeal??
Is that God's call? If GOd's call, why Kapit?
He has something big plans there for me? He wants me to be out of my comfort zone? out of my own small box? Can I not follow His call?
Or is it because I haven't pray hard enough for not going so far away?
I remembered I had never prayed for not going to Kapit, instead i prayed that I don't want to stay in SGH and I would like to go to Bintulu which is nearer to Kuching, but I added on in my prayer that, the final decision is still on His hands, and I know His plans will be the best for me....
I only prayed that prayer once.... and after that i am sort of neglected Him except going for church service or when i had hard time.....
Is Kapit one of the way to pull me back to God, because there, I will have to be independent, and the only one who I can really depend on is my God....
During my lunch break, I went to see the list again, and also to 'ge bo' others colleague postings,suddenly Michael appeared, " You dont need to see the list again and again la! No matter how many times you see, your name is in Kapit already la!!! hahaha.."
Damn, another stab wound on my heart....hahaha..
More and more questions in my mind......which then cause me a tension headache on my way back home....cause I still cant believe me is going to a place, one hour flight to Sibu then another 3 hours express boat!!
At home, another flow of suggestions, from my mother, dad, brother,
"Dont go to Kapit, go appeal, Kapit too far away!!" "Dont work so hard anymore, try to get extended in your last department then others will fill up your vacancy cause i will be not on time to go to Kapit....try to be more "rebellion"
If i really want to appeal, i had to have a really valid and good reason...but do i have one? NO!
Family? I need to take care of my mother? Will it be that easy since the list is out already!
Try to get extended? Will that influence my future career later on?
Sigh.............. TOok a declofenac and went to sleep early cause i dont wanna think of it again...
Day 26th August 2011 ended with a declofenac and an early dream...
Day 27th August 2011 started at 7.30am, like usual, go for teaching then back to work for pm shift.....
Slowly trying to accept the fact that i m going to Kapit a/w LOA.....
Having palpitation almost throughout the day, worry if I see that kind of case, how would i manage it correctly? How would i diagnose as? If i cant tube a patient, what am I gonna do? So many 'HowS' and 'WhatS'! No specialists there to guide me in Kapit....no one! Suddenly, i felt like i dont know anything! WOrries and worries....
Current time 2.05am, and me still alert like nobody business cause i m having
Insomnia secondary to Kapit.....
Sigh....got to sleep now, having double shift later today.....
Dear God, me, a reckless and sinful human comes before you,
asking for Your forgiveness, to forgive all my trespasses,
Help me to recognize Your voice, and obey Your calls,
Take away my burdens and my worries,
As I know You will be there for me all the times and will not forsake me,
For the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Am I not much more valuable than they?
In Father's most precious name I pray, AMEN..........
2 comments:
At least ur true friends asking to appeal with good reason.
Helping you to think good reasons to stay back in Kuching
Amen to your prayer. You're there for a planned reason. It's good to stay away from the hectic crowd sometimes, so you've more time for yourself, more time for God.
Can't wait for my turn!! Come visit me anytime :)
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